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And, the World Cracked Open
April 2005
 There come a few times in our lives, never planned or orchestrated by us, when a greater force sweeps us up in its current and all we can do is finally stop resisting and allow ourselves to be swept along in its wake. No matter how difficult the rapids we tumble through, there is relief in finally, ultimately, letting go and being swept along.
In my own life the tide I’d worked so hard to hold back finally had its way with my puny human efforts and decided to send a hurtling wave so unmistakable and huge, I would have no choice but to release myself to its greater power. As the wave came crashing down, deep inside me I heard a tiny, insistent voice telling me that letting go and allowing myself to be swept along was my best chance for survival.
And, so I did.
I quit frantically, exhaustingly struggling against the power of the riptide. I grabbed my kids’ hands in an unbreakable grip and went limp to the forces of the wave. Instincts guided me that in some paradoxical way this was the most in-control action I could take. While being hurled and tumbled, airless, through the water, I felt a calm and peace I hadn’t felt in a very long while.
The wave dumped us unceremoniously onto the shore. Just the four of us, the kids and me, alone.
It is a whole new world.
Immediately, figures appeared on the horizon, hurrying to us. Friends and family appeared. They surrounded us and created a circle of strength so strong, it held the kids and I aloft, fed us, nourished us, and nurtured us. When I became so chilled from the frigidity of the wave, two women friends created a human sandwich, with me in the middle. “Do you feel the warmth, friend?” they asked. “Yes…all four of them!” I managed to laugh as I thawed.
From near and far they cast their strands of strengththat Cryptonite couldn’t hold a candle to into the dense weave of the circle: love, money, arias over the phone, putting together dressers in so many pieces their sale should be illegal, pink flowers, a house, Navajo rugs, and an endless stream of prayers. I was humbled by the sheer force of kinship and love. I learned the kind of woman, parent, and friend I aspire to be.
For the first time in a very long time, I opened the door to receive these gifts. I opened my mind and heart and house and stood in shocked and grateful amazement at the blessings that saturated the kids and me with love and security.
And, the world cracked open.
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